The Power of Guilt

I have a confession to make. I am going through some dark days right now, and I did not order the bowl of strawberries for dessert the other day at Cheesecake Factory. I dove into my self-pity pool and opted for the Adam's Peanut Butter Cup Fudge Ripple cheesecake. This even as I plucked from my purse a packet of Soy To Go creamer for my coffee. WTF is that about?? Really, should a marital crisis of epic proportions be an excuse to dive off the vegan wagon? Couldn't I have indulged my fears and sorrows in the berries? Or even a coffee with some whiskey in it? ANYTHING but a dessert that required heaven knows how many eggs, milk, etc. Mea culpa to all the cows and chickens to whose suffering I contributed so much at this meal. I feel terrible about this lapse. We are not talking about an alcoholic slipping up and having a drink. Going vegan was a conscious MORAL choice for me--it really had nothing to do with health or a need to battle an addiction. Nevertheless, I too easily set those values aside to feed this void in my soul when in fact all I did was increase the void. Shame on me! Is there anyone out there who can relate to me? Can I find redemption somewhere? Can someone tell me WHY THE HELL DID I DO THIS??